She’s just a coquette, and how I wish I could forget…
February 17, 2011
It’s funny, the things we do to ourselves. Not ‘ha ha’ funny – more ‘why the fuck am I doing that to myself?’ sort of funny. We are truly our own worst enemies…
I’ve been pensive of late. It’s a milestone sort of time – I reached the one year mark with the beautiful ‘a’ on the weekend, and the days of my twenties are numbered. Such things make you think.
I’m tired of being a ‘glass half empty’ sort of girl. I have so much in life to be thankful for. I could list them all, but I’m sure they’ve all been mentioned before. So why, in the midst of all this loveliness, do I still seek out nasty things to hold on to?
Hate and jealousy are really ugly emotions and I reckon I’ve nearly done them to death. I’ve been with ‘a’ for a whole, fun, wonderful, glorious year. Why do I still focus on the things that happened before we got together? Things that are of no relevance now.
It’s funny how we grow up, and we gain confidence and we start to judge ourselves on our own merits. And all it takes is one flirtatious popular girl and we’re the high school misfit again. And all the confidence just seeps away. And we see all the things we’ll never be. The boobs we’ll never have and the boys who will never be interested in us.
I’ve been there, and I’ve done that – for way too long, and now it’s time to move on. I can see the stupidity of making comparisons. I can see that sometimes the image is just that. I can acknowledge that it is ok to admit you don’t like/respect someone (as long as you don’t hate them – because that’ll just eat you up inside).
I’m closing that particular chapter of my life effective immediately.
